more on teenage dating & sex

ok so while we are on the subject.....let's just go for it!

I cannot believe what is happening with young people today...and I am only 32! it really wasn't that long ago that I was a teenager not having sex and not playing games like Rainbow parties (see Chrissa's ~mom of 2 ~ comment on my last post)....I have seen shows such as 20/20 and Dateline talk of teenage sex parties and it is mind blowing! We used to play spin the bottle and 7 min in the closet...but if we closed mouth kissed we were being brave and naughty but that was as far as it went, at least in the crowd I was in.

Like I said in my last post J and I have already agreed no dating.....and by no dating I mean no dating. We have told the girls that until they are ready to get married they are not allowed to date. period. group dating I am not sure about but like Chrissa said...do you know they are really being safe even with that? I know that we have to trust God and don't live in fear. I think so many of us just want to bubble wrap our kids until they are what? like 20???!!! and then let them out! BUT we live in this world and we need to teach our kids to live in it, that doesn't mean partaking in everything the world does, but we do need to equip them with good choice making abilities. Hopefully J and I are doing that.

Having a 12 year old has challenged our beliefs! what I mean by this is it is SO MUCH EASIER when they are little and have no "feelings" to say what we want to have happen such as no dating. We are still pretty clear on that and I am so open about what happens when your "fire" has been lit with my girls. The fact is, right now, she is having feelings and they are being returned. So what do you do with that? do you say it is not ok to have feelings? you have feelings but you can't act on them?............this one I say YES THAT IS RIGHT!!! no acting out your feelings! having feelings is natural, you can't really help having feelings, being attracted to someone is part of our human nature, learning to control it, is something else.

Watching her body change is weird too, her little girl tummy is slowly disappearing and I see the beginnings of a waist. No doubt about it, she is beautiful, if I do say so myself.....and I did! She will get lots of attention from boys, it is helping her handle that attention that I am not so sure on. I had a dream the other night that she was pregnant.....I was horrified and woke up in a cold sweat...I really couldn't imagine 1. she is just a baby herself. 2. heck I am still a baby!! anyways it is not something I will live in fear about, afterall, I know better than anyone to be VERY careful what situations you put yourself in! I trusted someone I thought I knew and could trust when I was 19, put myself into a compromising situation and 9 months later I had Morgan and was a single mother! I choose not to live in fear of that happening either.....at the same time I want to have my eyes and ears WIDE OPEN.

Maybe it is about communication? about lots of trust, in our children and God. Maybe it all started happening when moms started going to work and leaving their children unsupervised?? I know teenagers have been having sex at such a young age for decades but it seems to be more of an epidemic these days. What can we do to stop it?

What are your thoughts?

7 comments:

My View on Stuff said...

I learned from my mom (she had me at 16) and when I was 16 and younger she talked to me and made sure I knew she would be there always to help me with anything and I didn't end up pregnant but I did have sex at some point during teen years. I am sure prayer was a factor,
I will definitely pray for your relationship and for understanding for your daughter

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Judys stories said...

hey with three girls i know what you mean we struggled about dating too. I have to get to work so this will be quick get her to read a book called kiss dating goodbye at the christian book store. will post more later

mom of 2 said...

I think communication is key! And not being in denial is another! I think my mom had a clue as to what was going on with me and chose not to "see" it. I will always "see" what is going on because not only did I live it, but because if I chose to ignore things, that would only hurt my child. I also try to instill in her that she can always tell me anything and that I will always do my best to understand. Last spring (she is 8) she asked me some questions about sex and my first reaction was to give her a short answer and change the subject quickly! But instead I answered her questions truthfully...all of her questions, which I totally didn't really want to answer because it was uncomfortable, but I think it strengthened our relationship and helped her to see that she could trust me to be honest with her. It's such a hard road for them. I'm sure you and J will do great!!

Heidi said...

Oh Man I wish I could give advice to you but I'm not anywhere near experienced in that department...and not for a long time! But I empathize with you because these issues go through my head already and Sam's only just under 2 years! I'll say prayers for your situation, my friend.

Elle*Bee said...

I wish I had the answers. I have 3 boys, the oldest is 11. He's socially less mature than most of his peers (I'm not complaining), but he does have a crush and it's kind of sweet because he still wears his heart on his sleeve and tells me everything. That'll change one day. He's still into knights, dragons, etc., so we spend a bit of time talking about chivalry - and how it's *not* (contrary to popular opinion) dead. Will the message stick when he's 16? I dunno.