Hi there if you are just tuning in I have been sharing part of my story this week so if you have the time!!!! cuz you will need it start with Monday's How we met and read back to here.
I got pregnant again end of Aug 2001. I had decided to take a baby aspirin a day as there were so many clots with the last miscarriage. I felt that since there was no affect on the baby it was safe to take. At 14 weeks I passed a big blood clot. We thought for sure that I had lost the baby. We would have bet our mortgage on it. I really couldn't understand why this was happening again. I called my doctor and he said just do bed rest till I could get in for an ultrasound. I really didn't see the point but I obeyed. I bled the whole next day but by Sunday it had stopped. Good friends of ours at church had called and told me not to give up hope. How was that possible? I had anxiety attacks all weekend and had to really focus to not literally lose it! It is such a battle of the emotions and mind going thru all this.
I got in to the ultrasound on Tuesday after my doc personally went into the department and ranted about me being an emergency and high risk....... our health care has a lot of issues...but I digress........anyways I went in for the ultrasound bracing myself for bad news. They wouldn't let J in till the tech was finished the initial scan..........I got really good over the years at reading the tech's facial expressions if it was good or bad news......... I couldn't read hers......so I leaned forward and looked at the screen and I saw this little arm wave at me as if to say hey mom, I'm still here..........boy did I start crying......I was sobbing I never had blood and it be ok...over and over...the tech really didn't know what to make of me and when J came in I thought he would faint. We were SO thankful.
At 20 weeks we had another ultrasound and learned that I had something called Venus Lakes. Venus Lakes is when the blood that travels thru the arteries into the placenta were pooling with blood making little "lakes" of blood. Since I was on blood thinners they had to watch that very carefully. They also discovered that part of the placenta had a blood clot between it and the uterus wall. I was put back on bed rest.
At 26 weeks I went into labor with contractions 5 min apart. They kept me in the hospital overnight and had me on Adavan to stop the contractions. It worked but I had continual pain in my left side where the placenta was lying. The entire pregnancy was one of battling fear.
I had to hold on to what I knew was true. That God was faithful. That when you trust in Him He gives you the desires of your heart. Before our 25 week ultrasound (I had many many ultrasounds with her as they were monitoring the placenta and the Venus lakes) J and I were laying in bed talking about names. I liked Sierra but when I looked up the name it meant "rocky mountain" and it just didn't fit. Then J says what about Faith? I said Faith Lauralye....and my spirit leaped.... I knew that I knew that was her name........at 25 weeks we found out it was a girl and I knew that that was the name God had for her.
At 38 weeks they broke my water as I was in tremendous pain where the placenta was and they didn't want to take any chances of rupture. That was a Thursday night and she was finally born Sat afternoon! my longest labor yet! brutal!! in the end I didn't even have to push though, she just came right out after I put my hand down and caught her head. When the placenta was birthed the nurses told my mom to look at it. One half of it looked abnormal......like a tire had run over it and flattened it out. There were also quite a few clots there and the nurses looked at us and said she is appropriately named. Even the housekeeping staff came and said is this the baby we have heard about? the miracle baby? yes that was her Faith Lauralye Kari 7 pounds 1 oz..... which was amazing that she was that big with such an unhealthy placenta. In fact her head was so big that you could tell she would have been a bigger baby if all had been whole. But God sustained her and she is my completion of the desires of my heart, what I hoped for and the evidence and proof of faith in an unseen God who loves us and wants us to be blessed. AMEN!!
back to my marriage
After Emily was born a lot of healing begun to take place in our marriage. Then when I was pregnant with Hailey we bought our first house and moved out from my parents basement suite. That too made things better as J started feeling like more of the provider for our family. Life was not perfect and I remember saying why can't we disagree without having a huge blown out fight? I didn't understand. We were doing better overall just still needed a lot of inner healing.
The summer of 2003 we moved 30 minutes away. That was a big move for me and yet I knew at the time it was a baby step for me and that we would be going farther one day. But our God knows us and His grace is perfect. Moving brought a lot of issues up for me and I knew it was time to get off the merry go round. How? I was talking on the phone one day to my good friend Xangelle and she was sharing with me about something called prayer ministry and how it had changed her life. I could hear the change. We have known each other our entire lives so I knew some of the woundings that she had experienced and so it was really neat to hear what God had done in her life. The forgiveness she was able to walk in. I knew I needed it badly. She called her pastor and told her about me. Pam aka Super Mom, agreed to see me.
Walking into her house that Spring of 2004 was the beginning of the end of the merry go round. I remembered a word of knowledge someone had for me about a year or so before. I was at a prayer meeting and the pastor, who didn't know me at all, looked at me and said, "you've been on a merry go round for years.....God is going to cause something to happen to catapult you off that merry go round." um ya like can we say WOW...... She walked me through something called a listening prayer, basically you simply ask our Father to show us what area He wants to bring into the light to bring healing. Simple and VERY effective. I walked through memories I had as a child where I had made vows..........vows are powerful things that we are taught so little about in church, in fact I believe so strongly that the body of Christ needs healing so we can reach out to others...... this prayer ministry is a great tool for accomplishing that. I was able to see what God intended for me and to see Him in the memories when I was scared and felt alone. Powerful. I prayed off generational curses that have affected me. I received God's promises and gifts to me.
I will give you one example - we were praying and P said, " you have called yourself a name for a long time and I see you running on a tread mill and going no where...... you call yourself not enough"......... if I wasn't crying hard yet I was totally bawling then....it is totally how I saw myself......then she said, " God has named you something else, ask Him what your Father calls you." so I did and He gave me this picture. I saw myself as a baby and Jesus was holding me looking at me with so much love I can't describe it and I heard him say " your name is blessed"...... so now when I start feeling not enough I remind myself that that is not my identity....I am blessed.
This changed my life. It changed me. Others saw the change in me. Soon J went for prayer too. He changed. We started to hear each other and be able to truly see each other the way God intended. We still struggle at times........there is no 100% cure! we are still human and have an enemy who's mandate to destroy what God has created.....and He created marriage! P and A were so amazing and instrumental in catapulting us off that merry go round. I have taken a course to be able to pray with people like they did for us.....and I LOVE doing it.......I love watching people find freedom.
I love sharing my story and giving all the glory to God. He is a good God. He turns what was meant for evil to good........BUT we have to allow Him to do that! We have to stop asking why all the time and trust! We have to be willing to expose some things in our life so that they can be healed and have the light redeem them! I do encourage you to be accountable to others. Having P and A in our lives was HUGE. They are amazing and showed us the Father's Love like no other pastors had ever before. We love them so much and are so thankful that God brought them into our lives. I encourage you to share your stories, you never know who you will help along the way.
Now we have moved 900 kms away, something I never thought I would do. I didn't trust in our relationship enough to leave my comfort zone and follow J. Now I have and God has blessed us more than I thought possible....our cup really does overflow! we are in a whole new position in life and I know God has specific plans for us up here. I can't wait to see what He has planned for us! and now we disagree without it being a major fight!!
We are thankful for our journey. We have been refined and I know we are not finished yet.