ok this might be some what of a rant here.......and could be TMI for a man!
my oldest is 12 1/2 and is in the full pms swing of things. I understand this cuz duh...I am a woman.......my hubby.....well yes he is a man......he really doesn't understand PMS except for the fact that I am cranky(ier)......anyhoo........this month she is a bit late and the mood swings are in overdrive. Everything you ask her to do......she defies and has this look of....um how to describe it??? PO'd.... she isn't showing much respect either. Up till last week she has been showing great maturity and now all that seems to have magically disappeared and some upset all the time moody teenager has taken over my sweet innocent 12 year olds body. Like I said I get this....J is having a hard time with it. He has been really really frustrated with her over the last few days.
We had a HUGE fight about it yesterday too. Nice eh?! on Thanksgiving no less ......... anyways ..... how do you discipline attitude? you can't bend her over your knee and spank her! and then that is a whole other post ~ to spank or not to spank ~ you can punish her and yet it is going to be really effective when her hormones are raging and she is not really herself? however if you don't address the attitude she learns she can get away with anything and blame it on PMS..........I am finding it a hard balance to learn. After all there are times when I am PMS'ing that I really feel I can barely control myself from yelling and being short with the girls and J. How do you expect a 12 year old who is just learning to deal with it to "smarten up"?
I was going to be taking her to ride the horse we looked at a couple of weeks ago and I was pretty set that we were going to buy it for her. (It is a 7 year old gelding - quarter/morgan horse 15 hands brown & white paint - just a real beaut) Now J said we can't buy it this week cuz of her attitude. We have to wait. My thoughts are we might lose the horse if we wait too long, the people are expecting us and they work out of town so their weekends are precious, is it fair to punish her when this is partly-mostly PMS, how to walk this out????? ugh.
J and I did NOT agree on how to correct children. We were raised totally different. He was raised in a more children are to be seen and not heard atmosphere and I was raised in the opposite. It has been one of the issues we have really worked hard on. Last year we really started walking together more on this issue and became more of a united front......which is huge and so necessary for our children's well being. We haven't had a fight over discipline for almost that long. I hate it when these things happen cuz it almost makes you feel like somehow you have gone back to where you started from.....ahhhh frustrating. Then it affects our relationship which sucks cuz he leaves today for work and will be gone for 9 days. We did apologize last night but words were said feelings were hurt....sometimes that is hard to forget so quickly.
Am I protecting her too much? am I allowing PMS to be an excuse? how do you teach a 12 year old to control her PMS??? Now I understand that she is not perfect........believe me I get that....... I just want to be fair. At the same time, J is my husband and if he says no horse this weekend, then thats what I have to do, we have to stay united or the kids will walk all over us. ahhhh deep sigh....... going to be a thoughtful pondering day I think.
any suggestions? any been there done that? anyone?