Moving on

There is no new news. J is going to fly up to PG next week and look at some more places. We are still feeling much better and the log house people have not re-signed with their real estate agent and the house is even off the mls now......... so who knows what they are going to do but hey that's not our problem anymore is it??!!

moving on........ cuz I am tired of this consuming my every thought, and when you have 4 kids you have a lot of other stuff to deal with!

like this............

I have some new readers so many of you may not know that my oldest has a different biological father. My hubby adopted her a couple of years after we got married. She was 1 1/2 years old when we married. I met J when I was 16 and he was 17 at Youth Camp. We dated off and on for several years......... in that time is when I dated Morgan's bio-donor and my life changed forever. Needless to say it was not consentual and I was on heavy meds at the time cuz I was real sick and didn't even know what was happening until IT had happened and whalla 9 months later Morgan was born. Nice for your first time eh?! And no I was not flippant about all that then!! that was the hardest thing I ever went thru and the story of that is well....... 9 months long then plus 12 years!! you forgive but that kind of trauma you don't forget, you just don't look back and have the same anguish and tornado of emotions that you did before. God is faithful and His grace pulled me through. BTW the odds of me getting pregnant were totally almost non-existent and yet I did. Anyways just thought I would give you a short history regarding that.

It bothers her that she has a different dad out there. It bothers me too. He is, as far as I am concerned, a bit emotionally challenged to say the least and I also believe he has a mental disorder. He had lied to me constantly and that seems to be a big pattern in his life and yet the scary/sad part is that he believes his lies as absolute truth. How do you deal with a person like that? We have run into a lot of problems with him encouraging M to have a "secret" relationship with him. That was scary. He seems to be listening now to us and is keeping his distance. This is all hard on J who is trying to lead and protect his family and having to deal with him is just an extra burden.

The little girls don't quite understand and given their ages, you can't really blame them. Every now and then they bring him up to her and she gets really upset. This happened this morning. Hailey just casually mentioned him to M and she got up and ran into her room. I see some growth in her cuz before she would have started screaming and having a real fit. But it bothers her that they bring him up. I tried to explain to her that they don't mean to hurt her by it ( I think/hope/pray ugh) and they are curious and people in her life will ask, it is natural. She has to learn to deal with it as sucky as that may be. She has to learn to answer questions without having an emotional outbreak. This is her lot in life and she has to learn to deal with it. I hate that she has too. I wish for anything that I could magically make her blood J's and for none of that to have happened. But I can't. J does love her SO much and she loves J. She knows God chose J to be her dad. They have some issues in their relationship that I worry about but nothing too out of the ordinary in the life of fathers and daughters!

I also talk to the little ones about respecting M's wishes that they NOT bring bio-donor up. They don't understand but I say they don't need too but just ignore the thoughts that pop into their head when they get curious..............I don't know if they are always innocent in their asking either. Hey I am the youngest of 4 girls myself and I knew how to get to my sisters and took pleasure in doing so!! My oldest 2 sisters have a different biological father and my dad adopted them after he married our mom. I never never asked questions or bugged them about it, it seemed a non-issue and at times I even forget that they have a different family out there that I am not a part of.

ok well I better go play referee here, the youngest 2 are fighting and the claws are out........ fighting exhausts me!! I also have to get some paper work together cuz someone is very interested in buying J's landscaping business........ that would be GREAT!!!

have a great weekend

6 comments:

Elle*Bee said...

Since I'm new to your blog, forgive me if you've already covered this earlier, but have you considered counseling for M? There's a possibility that she may feel a little like an outsider in that she only shares half her DNA with her siblings (despite J's best efforts). Also, I don't know how much detail she knows but if she's aware of the circumstances of her conception, she might be struggling with feelings that she was the result of a traumatic event in your life, rather than the fact that she's an amazing silver lining to a dark cloud. If I'm doing my math correctly, she's 12-13? Hormones, learning to relate to boys, yikes - a lot of things can be going on there. Then there's the move. Might be worth considering finding someone for her to talk to once you get settled in your new home. Hugs to you all.

Lala's world said...

Hey elle*bee, M doesn't know how she was conceived, I don't feel she is old enough to handle it! and yes she has gone to prayer ministry but we are wanting her to see a counsellor too as she has struggled with lying and all this is definitely hard on her, and you are right add hormones and wowser.... tough stuff, I do have to say that she is my silver lining!! and definitely was MEANT TO BE!!!

mom of 2 said...

Thanks for sharing your story! I have a similar story as your daughter. My mom remarried when I was 3 and my "dad" adopted me then. I didn't have contact w/ my bio father until I was 25. He didn't have mental issues...but I know the pain of growing up not knowing your bio father. Even though I knew my "dad" loved me very much the pain was still there. I'll say a prayer for her and your family!!

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

Wow. I've been reading your blog, and I knew your oldest had a diff dad (I think you mentioned it on my site, saying we had a lot in common) but I didn't know the whole story behind it. Wow. My oldest doesn't see her bio either, we had her last name changed to my husbands, but he hasn't adopted her. Her bio has issues too, he's very weird and paranoid. She calls my husband dad, and she's known him since she was 3...she'll be 10 next month!!

Amber said...

With a great mama like you, she will surely pull through.

Jessica said...

I didnt know that your oldest was adopted by J...learn something new everyday!!! The important thing is that being a dad isn't all in genetics...it is so much more than that in my opinion!