Venting over....new day has begun

thanks for all the comments yesterday...........it was a LONG fight!! but we got it resolved. I knew he was really really stressed about the usual ($$$), I just wasn't taking the stressed being dumped on me. I think we just need to not put so much pressure to get the house ready as fast as possible. With 4 kids, school and him working SO much............it just needs patience and a little more time.

He started his own landscaping business last year. He has always wanted to do that and was the original reason why he got his plumbing ticket....oh 10 years ago! He wanted to do ponds and water features and the gas ticket that comes with the plumbing would enable him to do it all. He also knew that having a trade was good to fall back on if/when needed. With the construction craze going on, well, there is so much work for both and doesn't seem to be letting up soon. In fact with the Olympics coming in 2010, there is a ton of work for trades and the province is short trades people. He did good with his plumbing business, he would have done better except for the fact that he hated it!!! so he worked as little hours as he possibly could.....he was in service so you can imagine it isn't the prettiest job in the world!! and he was always afraid of getting some disease by being in contact with other peoples *#$#! so.....he couldn't wait to get out of plumbing....but even with the smaller hours we were doing ok financially....

He has been really happy doing the landscaping. He really loves it, however, he makes less money! Now that wouldn't be a problem if we had no ~ little debt when he started the business and we were actually good at following a budget!! hmmmmmmmmmm notice I said IF??? he actually makes $30 less an hour doing the landscaping..........................ya so............things are tight around here. He said yesterday that he likes what he is doing but it seems that he is working more hours then he was before and there is nothing to show for it!!! um ya....I been saying that for a year..........well mostly saying it to myself because I wanted to be supportive!

It isn't because he isn't good at what he is doing....cuz he is good.......he is actually amazingly creative and I think the problem is that he works twice as fast as anyone else would. J is also a giver...........like it is his biggest gifting..............this also comes into play because he just wants to give everyone a break!!! he told me yesterday that he wants to do it for free sometimes.............wow who says stuff like that??? and means it??? he does....he is a giver.....Unfortunately it is cutting into what he brings home. How lovely is it to squash that one??? ugh I told him yesterday on the phone.......really loudly..... maybe you need to go back to plumbing!!!!!!! I don't want to kill his dream, why do I have to be the realistic one? maybe I need to dream more? I don't know. I just know budgets and bottom lines and well, either we are sifting through more $$ then we realize or ..... well.... we just aren't making enough to cover debt............this brings me back to the point of moving though cuz when we move we will be able to pay off all our debt! which is great and fantastic.....as long as we don't get ourselves back into it!! a lot of our debt is from starting the landscaping business. He said yesterday that he hates busting his but being away from the family (last summer I did all the camping/holidays/every day with the kids by myself!!) working so hard just to pay off debt.............ya that sucks.......he has a big financial load on his shoulders and I carry the rest!! where was I? I just drifted off to a white sand beach with tropical smells and ice blue waves...........

So we do need to move...........probably going to have to sell the house "as is" which means we might get about $10-15 g's less then if we actually spend the $4,000 to finish the carpet ( which is so gross, 34 years old and badly badly stained and did I mention it is poo brown?) and some of the fencing (which is falling down and rotting!!). To come up with the $4,000 now is just too much pressure.....specially when it feels like we are sinking in bills!! and my van's A/C is broken and it is overheating and with 266,000 klms......it isn't worth putting the $$ into it....my electrical is all funny with the van ie. sometimes the locks work and sometimes they don't ..... sometimes the signals work and sometimes they don't....not good and the mechanic said the whole thing needs to get re-wired and he is not convinced that would even work. GREAT!!! can you hear the sarcasim in that???

There it is.........our big fight and why........and so glad that we were able to stop the verbal crap before we completely digressed to grade 6!! One thing for me that was a good revelation is....... normally when we would fight like this..........all I could think about was wanting out, you know being done, the big D word would be very entertained in my head and sometimes in my words. I didn't feel that this time. Even though I was extremely mad, frustrated and hurt........... I didn't once feel....I want out!! so that was kind of cool for me......made me see that even though we were talking crap to each other, I knew I had somewhere over the last couple of years grown up!

side note: Morgan's dress is almost done!! I have to say that I am honestly a little proud of myself.......it is a beautiful dress.....the funnest part for me is creating it myself.....I had drawn a little sketch out first but after I made the top part the rest just took over on it's own. It doesn't look like the drawing anymore....it's better and I so love doing it for her. I will take a pic as soon as it is done and post it for you all to see!!! I was up till midnight sewing it and J was pouring over receipts and invoices......

7 comments:

MugwumpMom said...

Never (well...almost never) fails how a new day sheds new light on old things eh? Remember what NeeNee used to say (actually, probably not, as you were just a wee one)...she'd say "sleep on it, tomorrow is a new day" and somehow that always stirred up hope. I'm glad you two AWESOME people who God brought together have worked it out.

Ruth said...

I know how frustrating money situations can be between spouses, and changing jobs and the decision of being happy or financially ok... really a hard spot to be in. I am glad that you guys are able to stick it out and work things through. We are still learning to do that...and God keeps reminding us that He is our provider so we shouldn't be worrying..(easier said then done sometimes!)

JeepGirl said...

Well, sounds like it all got out in the open and hopefully you have no where to go but up and things will get better. I wish you luck, we all have $$ problems causing fights and frustration in marriages. I do believe it's the number 1 killer in marriages. Sad isn't it?
Anyhow, chin up. And don't forget to post a picture of the dress. I'd love to see it.

Shash said...

Money troubles is the number 1 problem in marriages and the number 1 cause for divorce. It is a huge strain on the couple and it trickles down to the kids. Biggest advice... teach your kids to do what you didn't do and what our parents didn't teach us, how to manage money. We were taught to give and the laws of seed time and harvest but we weren't taught how to save money - to be smart with it. My family is in the same boat as you, spent more than we had and it's a long up hill battle to climb out of the pit. Thank goodness there is light at the end of the tunnel!

mommyof4 said...

It is great you worked it out! but I know where you are coming from as you can tell by my previuos post. I guess when you guys get out of dept is when he can really do his buisness because he loves it:) Jeep girl is right and she said the same thing to me:chin up! I guess that is all we can do...and geta job when you have pain everyday...but thats something diff hehe;) I can't wait to see the dress! I made a renisance dress for Falicia last Halloween and I was so proud and surprised I could do it!:)

J.B. said...

try going up market and you will be able to charge more and do more interesting work.

J.B. said...

alternatively if he loves landscaping but wouldnt mind working for someone elses company you might find he would earn more and be free of the effort of running a business and also do more interesting and challenging projects