I am feeling better today....that was sort of strange just being hit with a fever and a headache and being tired but that was all and I am all better today......now my house though.....well the house seems to have thrown up all over the place.....including the sinks!! just really gross....there is stuff everywhere....dishes...laundry.....toys....crayons....crumbs...you name it...it's on the floor..........and now that I am better all I want to do is get back to sewing!!!! we are doing Faith's birthday party here Sat afternoon so I really don't want to clean the house till tomorrow......it is more likely to stay clean for the next day that way!!! I do have some running around to do and that sewing is calling me in a bad way!!!
I had a dream a couple of nights ago that I had another baby.........I actually have these quite often. I don't know if this is common or what??!!! It's always a boy. If I am being honest with myself and well with everyone.....I wish we had a boy. We were watching tv last night and J saw someone pregnant and he said "oh I wish I could see you pregnant again"..........he really wanted to have more kids......I was the one who said no.....mostly cuz of fear and yes 4 kids is a lot and I just wasn't prepared to go through another 9 months of stress. I have always said that if I had an easier time being pregnant and didn't have so many miscarriages that I would have had 6 kids. Yup 6 kids!! I also have always wanted to adopt. I have found some great blogs of women who have adopted and I admire them so greatly!!!
When I was pregnant with Morgan and I was tossing the idea of giving her up for adoption my dad looked at me and said "how can you give up your baby for adoption when you have talked your whole life about adopting one day"............when I was in Africa I wanted to take SO many kids home with me and I was only 17......I see the stories of orphans on tv and my heart breaks. What is happening in Darfur for example.....it breaks my heart and I wish I could go, I wish I could do more than pray and send $$ which is good and important but I just want to go!! I remember hearing my parents talk about the orphanages they went too in Romania and I cried and was so moved and wanted to go and get one......but how do you pick just one? I don't know if I would be able to leave? it is overwhelming to me. The other day when we were discussing our financial stuff I had this thought....I would LOVE to just sell EVERYTHING and move to another country (third world country) and raise our kids and adopt a whole bunch more and just live there and be there for them.....my ultimate missionary dream...........ssshhh don't tell J whenever I hint at stuff like that he freaks out......but I would do it.....in a heart beat if he would say yes!!
I totally believe that one day we will adopt. We have been talking about it a lot lately....since Faith will be 4 next week it feels like I am able to take on more without juggling too much. There is a lady in our church who's 16 year old daughter just gave birth and they were not sure if she was going to keep the baby...........I could hardly pay attention to the rest of the message or hear it through my beating heart.......all I could think was "I will take the baby.... I know J will agree......we will love it and give her a good home".......then we came home that night and had a big fight and had $$ issues and I felt stopped about the whole idea.........but who's plan was that???? I don't believe God makes you fight to show you that you shouldn't be adopting!!!
In all this talk J mentioned that he would like to try to have a boy on our own too........... he would even reverse his V.........that is pretty amazing. So what to do what to do......just pray and pray some more but I really believe that we are heading down that road and it was kind of exciting to think that our family will expand!!