Childish behaviour

I didn't know if I should post this cuz........well.........cuz I don't like being negative and yet I am finding myself needing to VENT and since this is one of the reasons that I started this blog I am going to do just that!

I had a HUGE fight last night with J.........we haven't done that for a long time. Brought shades of our past out. That is frightening. We used to fight like children. You know if you say something mean to me I am going to say something mean right back!! try to out do each other on name calling.........really horrible stuff. I think the stress of $$ and trying to get the house ready with spending as little $$ as possible is taking it's toll.

I feel really down today and that is just gross. I feel completely stopped. I feel stepped on. I feel belittled. I feel ...................... rejected and misunderstood. And as always when these things happen...........I feel like a failure. I hate all these feelings.

I slept on the couch last night so now I am sore too............nice!!! I don't even know why we fought..........besides him venting to me about how stressed he feels and that he feels I am not doing anything to help.....you know just sitting around all day doing "nothing"..... and am wanting to spend $$ on the changing the carpet and not moving fast enough to get the house listed and yadda yadda yadda............I felt dumped on.....he said he was doing it nicely...........how do you dump on someone nicely???? anyways I got defensive and the yes I did, no you didn't started flying and then I just said "whatever" no wonder where Hailey gets that from..... and after some harsh name calling he tried to apologize..........I wasn't ready.....guess I just needed to wallow a bit more.....little bit of stubbornness there you think??? so then the name calling continued.........and then he went to bed and I stayed up watched Grey's Anatomy by myself and fell asleep....on purpose......... on the couch. He left before 7 this morning and didn't say a word. I feel like crap. I don't feel like apologizing still............still got to have more of that "pity party" I have been told ALL my life I like to have!!!

I did start sewing Morgan's dress for my niece's wedding! It is going to look really good. I got all the material to make all 4 dresses for $40!! pretty good eh?!! so I am going to do that today and hopefully somewhere along the way I will get the repentant heart for my part in yesterday's childish behaviour. SUCKS!

8 comments:

MugwumpMom said...

oops - lets try that again. I am sooo sorry that you're feeling like that, especially because I know what "that" feels like. I'm praying peace and grace, comfort and clarity over you right this minute!

Renee said...

I've been there. It helps to get things out in the open at least. It's hard to always argue like 'adults'.

Faith said...

Sorry, you are having such a bad day! Hope things will work out when hubby gets home!!

mommyof4 said...

How do adult argue anyhow?:) I hope you can forgive and kiss and makeup:) I have a hard time hearing anything negative my hubby says I always feel he is out to get me!:) Men will me men!

onangelwings said...

Everyone fights occassionally. It makes you feel like shit and eventually you move on. I hear you! I've been there, we all have. Fighting with the person you love is never fun.

Pajamas said...

HEY! Go into Dr.Phil's website - he's got rules on fighting fair. Maybe you and J should take alook at it. Or bring him over and we'll all take alook at it. The advice today was really good - so check it out! Maybe..just maybe..you guys need to be 'checking in' now and then - what do you think?? Either way, we love you guys and we KNOW that you will make it! You're two amazing people, who WANT to make it - even tho occasionally you might say differently! We love you!

Wave's Word said...

Oops is right! Don't dwell on it. This incident does not define your relationship. Both of you may have reacted instead of responding. Call on the strength of Jesus. Repent ask for forgiveness. Keep loving, learning and listening to each other.

Kate said...

that happens. you know we understand! i am just catching up so i can see things are better now - phew! nothing as uncomfy as sleeping on the couch - on purpose! glad all is well :)