Bullies and Insecurities

I hate to be harping on all this but since it is happening so much in my life right now it is on my mind a lot.

As you know M's one friend at school has turned on her and is basically been using her as a spring board to popularity. This sickens me. I have been planning on going in tomorrow and talking to the school counselor about it and if they (school staff) know what is going on. Yesterday I get a very surprising phone call.................from N...........this is the friend I am talking about. She wanted to talk to M.........I felt like saying "no you little freak I am not going to let you hurt her".......I didn't cuz......well I guess I need to show some maturity.....right???.......anyhow I gave her the phone........M looked shocked......like oh my goodness..........so she says hi sweetly but a little hesitantly..........well N wants to know if M wants to have a sleep over?????? M covers the receiver of the phone and asks with hopefull desperation on her face. I physically felt ill. I said "what do you think she wants to come over here for? do you think she might be looking for information to use against you at school? I can't imagine what she wants after the way she has been treating you?".............

all my grade 7-9 experiences with my bully nightmare so called friend are coming up to haunt me........I know enough now to not let that affect M.....that was my issue not hers........I do see the same characteristics in N that I did in my youth and I can see the potential same scenarios coming into play. I hear caution caution caution screaming inside me.

Back to yesterday, so I said are you sure and M was like "mom I want to be her friend." oh man............how hard is that to let her set herself up for another hurt? So I said it is up to you. So N came over, not for a sleep over thank goodness but just for a play. They played scategories and jumped on the tramp and then watched some tv. She was only here for a couple of hours. I had a friend over myself, Dana, Colin and J had gone to a meeting and we were home with all the kids. Dana told me that she felt N was a dark child. She said that she is not always the best at picking stuff up right away but she could tell this child has issues and she was worried about what was going to happen next with M. Nothing bad happened when she was here. I told J later that if N does something mean again to M at school this week I am definitely going to call her mom and we are going to have to start being aggressive. I have been of the mind right now that talking to her mom would just make things worse for M. I don't want to add to her stress.

I am a little confused at why N came over. I talked to M more about it after she left and she said that the "popular" girls have dropped N and are not her friends anymore. I was like well if she is telling the truth then don't you think that she got what she had been giving out......what's that saying.....do unto others as you would have them do unto you.....and what goes around comes around????!!!! I know that M just wants to be accepted so badly..........who doesn't?

You never like to fully face our children's weaknesses but I have had to face that M is insecure. She has rejection issues.......probably because being a single 19 year old under not good circumstances and not wanting to be pregnant at all would carry into a baby's spirit. I believe we have spirit upon conception not when you are born. I believe that even in the womb we can be affected by what is going on with our mother/father/environment........I really do.

I know that she has a hard time fitting in. Being a single parent I had to go to work. I went back to work when she was 1 month old. I took her with me until she was 1 year old when I put her into daycare, before that I would take her to work or my sister Tam would come and babysit her for a couple of hours a day. I took her out of daycare when I discovered she had fallen off the counter and no one told me about it...........ya I was mad........I took her to work with me everyday after that. To explain why I could take her to work is that I worked for my parents. I lived with them too and their office was home based and was in the basement of their garage and so was literally outside our front door. I did this until I was pregnant with Em when I started working less and didn't go back full full time till just before I got pregnant with Faith. By that time M was in school full time. Also because I was 19 when I had M....none of my friends had kids......not until we had Em did any of our friends have any children. She was surrounded mostly by adults about 90% of the time. She relates really well to adults and small children.

I do worry now that at school tomorrow, (today is a holiday), that N will turn on her leaving her hurt again. If that happens you better believe I will home school her for the rest of the year. I pray that it doesn't happen. I don't think she needs N as a friend cuz I don't think she is a good friend. She deserves better than that. I know that being at school with no "best" friend is hard and she is desperate for that. I don't know that letting N coming over yesterday might not have been the right thing to do. I did feel though to let M make that decision........a hard lesson may be coming from it but I can only pray that it will make her stronger not crush her.

She needs to start seeing her value as a person and a friend. She needs to take that worth on. I have a few exercises I want her to start doing so that she is saying the truth over herself instead of what these kids are telling her she is.

She has value.
She is loved.
She is accepted.
She is unique and wonderfully made.
She is loving and is lovable.
She is kind and caring.
She has a nurturing heart and a gift of mercy.
She is fun and outgoing.
She is beautiful.
She is smart and can do whatever she sets her mind too.

......... "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

3 comments:

MugwumpMom said...

Heh Lala,
M is an amazing kid. She is indeed fearfully and wonderfully made and EVERYDAY....even the ones where she is bullied....were written out for her even before there was one of them. God has a plan for her and you and J are the stewards of that plan. Your steps are ordered of the Lord and you will and do know what to do. Trust that...His providence is at work in all this, even though sometimes it feels like it's not. You can't necessarily "fix it" but you certainly can wisely guide M through it and reinforce her as you do, which is what I think you are already doing. You both are in my prayers

love
Rena

JeepGirl said...

Oh man, I'm glad this is you and not me. This sounds like a lot of mommy headache. I wish you luck. I'm sure you daughter is just as strong as her mother and will come out of this fine. Sounds like she has been raised well. Sometimes we need our children to fall on their own and learn from their own mistakes. But this is not always easy.
Good luck.

Ruth said...

Wow, this is such a hard situtaion, I can't even imagine. I know that you sill do the right thing with her.

Patience and prayers!!