While we are on the topic.......

so since I kind of opened up a semi-conversation about sex....and talking to kids about it....how much info for the kids is too much??? I was always taught that only answer the direct questions that they ask.....if they don't ask it....don't tell....you might be telling them stuff that they are not wanting or ready to hear. However....how does this work with children that just don't ask stuff? I know we are all created differently and it is just in some people's nature to be more private. The part I get worried about or don't know where the line is, is between private and secretive. Secrets scare me and I don't think they are good or healthy. Not that I feel we have to go blab all the gory details of our lives to everyone we meet...I mean we need to have discretion.....but what is the difference of keeping something secret from your parents and being private?? I guess we really need to know our kids and trust that we are being led by God to know what we need too.

This whole having a kid that is 12 freaks me out sometimes. I don't really feel prepared.......or old/wise enough to be dealing with her in a healthy whole way. I am glad that I have good support! and that I can always send her for "prayer ministry" if I screw her up....which I know in some ways I have and will continue to make mistakes. Maybe knowing that makes a difference. I, in no way, think that I have all the answers! funny how much we appreciate our parents more when we have kids!! I remember my mom telling me "no, and I don't have a reason, it is just no"....and I was SO frustrated with her. She would tell me that I had to trust her that she couldn't explain it, she just felt the answer was no. I totally get that now! sometimes they want to do something and you just get a check inside that says no, or yes or whatever!! thank goodness for that guidance...I don't know where I would be without it?!

My oldest has been getting more and more cheeky lately too. I was a cheeky kid.......just ask my sisters.....they couldn't believe I got away with talking to my parents the way that I did. I would be asked to do something and be like all whinny and complaining and verbally displaying my annoyance.....but I would still do what they asked....just made a lot of noise while doing it. My mom told me she preferred that over one of my sis's who would say "I already did it" and hadn't. I guess she picked her battles with me too cuz I was her most strong willed child. Morgab is very strong willed but she is also extremely emotional. I know most girls her age are emotional but she is really extreme....this has been going on for years. It is hard for me to deal with at times because although I can be emotional, I also know when to control it....I was never like she is. Her bio-doner is emotional.....sometimes that frightens me. She also looks at me like she hates me.......that frightens me too. The hard part for me is how she was created. If you don't know you will have to read my 100 things about me to figure it out, I don't want to go into all that right now.... Not having a healthy relationship with her bio-donor is an understatement. I hated him, I hated being pregnant and I didn't want to be having a baby at 19, or being single and lastly with him. I really didn't want her, till she was born and then those maternal instincts kicked in and I was overwhelmed by the love I felt for her. Sometimes though.........it is still hard.......I don't know how to explain it, unless you have the same situation it might be really hard for you to understand too. I am not looking for sympathy or anything either, I just like getting things off my chest and this is my blog and my outlet for doing so! When I see her bio-donor in her facial expression.....I cringe....it is really hard to be reminded that I am connected to him for the rest of my life. I have forgiven him. I have had SO much prayer ministry over it.....perhaps I need more....I just don't know if that is something you can truly completely get over. Makes it harder for me when she is in full swing of pre-teen mode too.....they really get hard to deal with. They don't have cute little sayings that you can't wait to blog about or tell all your friends....mostly they do their best to embarrass you and when they don't care about body ordor or appearances....then it happens a little more often.

I just got an email from her bio-donor telling me that he is getting married. I feel sorry for the girl......I wonder if she has any idea of what he is really like....probably not.....I don't think it is my place to tell her either. I so hoped that he had changed over the years and grew up but from our experiences with him over the last couple of years he hasn't. That is too bad for my daughter. He wants her at the wedding.....ya right like I am going to send her out there for any reason!!!.....it is hard enough to send him little updates about her and what she is doing. This was my hubbies request......he said if he were him....he would want to know. I respect J for his wisdom in handling all this.....specially since last year and bio-donor's first visit to see her since she was 3 weeks old. It was hard for all of us but good that it happened so that our eyes could really be opened to see the emotional manipulation that had been going on for some time. It also made J and I be on the same page......finally.....so in the end it was a good thing.

She doesn't know all the details about me and her bio-donor.....I don't think she is ready to handle it and she doesn't know where to find my blog and she is grounded from the computer for a VERY long time so I am not worried about her finding this!...... I don't even like to show her the pic's that he sends through for her. He always sends pic's of his pets or him riding horses....which is also her passion....cuz I feel they are manipulating ways to keep her feeling connected to him........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh deep sigh............ I haven't told her he is getting married yet....I don't know why just don't know how to say it....oh by the way your bio-donor is getting married.....like what is she supposed to do with that??? I am thankful he is getting married cuz he can fixate on that and not on my family!

I know she struggles with rejection issues......I know that is because of my feelings when I was pregnant with her and her bio-donor being out of the picture for so long and then him coming in and then J and I having to remove him again. It hasn't been easy for her I am sure. Yet at the same time she has always been loved and adored. She has always been affectionate and loving to everyone. I think/hope/pray she will sort it all out and when she is ready and mature enough to handle it, I can tell her the truth. The truth can be a heavy thing to carry. When is she ready? When is she mature enough? and to be honest there is some fear in me of her rebelling because of all this.

well I guess that is enough of a verbal dump for now......thanks for listening....to be continued at some point!

Comments

mommyof4 said…
Oh honey I am sorry for all the bad feelings Morgans "sperm donar" brings up. I can imagine how hard it would be to tell her. I think it would be good to tell her soon before she can get real mad and go bolistic on him. i mean it would give it time to settle in before she is old enough to try and runaway or do something stupid with the information. i am not trying to scare you or anything and it is your desision. i hope you you can find the right way to tell her. I also would let her know that you forgave him and how she has a good father in J. That is what I try to tell my 12 year old when stuff comes up about her real dad. She don't really bother with him anymore because she knows he is a looser. He was 31 when he got me pregnant at 16. It was consentual but I was a minor and know my mistake now but I love Falicia and I try to be honest with her as much as possible. If you want to talk more privatley you can email me:) I am no exspert but I would like to throw around ideas on handling a 12 year old girl with you:)
onangelwings said…
Wow..that is a huge burden that you bear. You will know when your daughter is ready to hear all her truth. You are rights kids don't need more than they ask for when it comes to information that can harm them in any way. Good luck with finding the right words to tell/handle your daughter and what eventually will have to be spoken.
Suz said…
Big Big Hugs To You! As I have told you before I have a similar situation with Littleman's "sperm donor" as I call him. One of these days I will write about it. Right now "sperm donor" isnt in Littleman's life. My hubby is the only daddy he knows. Robert has been with Littleman since he was 6 months old.

I dont blame you for not wanting her to go to the wedding, I wouldnt either. I hope things get better or atleast easier with the situation.

As for your previous post, I let both my older kids now 18 and 15 take the sex class in school, but also talked to them a lot about things, letting them know my "door" is always opened to them. I know in my heart that if I dont talk to them and they didnt take the class then they would learn it the same way I did through peers and I didnt want that. Good Luck with this subject, its always a hard one.

Hugs Suz

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