Friendships of women

I have been spending a lot of time lately thinking about friendships. I have read a lot of blogs that are also talking about it and women mentioning how lonely they feel. I think this is just such a common thread among women. I did a book study years and years ago with a group of high school girls on a book called "The Friendship's of Women" by Dee Brestin. I recommend this for a woman's Bible Study group!!

How many of us go through life without a best friend....or just someone you know you can rely on? it is sad that so many of us are so busy with our own lives that we can't help out our fellow women as much. I know that most women work now. I know that our lives are busy. I know that our families have to come first. Where is the camaraderie that women had so many years ago? I mean they baked together, quilted together, canned together, helped with the children....... so many don't even do those things at all anymore......like I don't quilt....would love too but I would need someone to sit down with me and show me how!

I think most of this all went away when the woman hit the work force. Now please don't bombard me with female liberation stuff cuz I know women were oppressed...... I just think in the end it went too far and women were taken out of the home too much. I realize that today's society really calls for 2 incomes and yikes the gas prices alone!!! it would be difficult for most to live on 1 income. Before I get too far into this aspect of things I better get back to friendships!!!!

J and I have a lot of friends.......we are VERY social people. We have friends that we have known since High School. Now we have children the same age and it is great. I have had many girlfriends over the years. My maid of honor at my wedding was my friend since grade 11. We were so close. I really loved her. She would pull away every now and then but would always come back and we would resume where we left off and things would be great. She was one that would leave her work if I needed her to do something important for me. I miss her. She pulled away the last time right before I had Hailey. She went back to her Mormon faith and even though I didn't care that we had different faiths, I guess..... well I don't want to assume what she felt or thought cuz I just don't know. She let me know 2 weeks before she was getting married and invited me to her reception. I wasn't allowed to go to the ceremony because I wasn't Mormon. I felt so sad. I didn't want to loose her as a friend but it was her choice, she made it clear that she was moving on with her life and I wasn't a part of it. I saw her in the hospital when I was pregnant with Faith.....I was trying to catch her eye as she walked past....she didn't see me or didn't acknowledge that she did anyways........

Over the years I have had many really great close girl friends in my life and some only for a small period of time. I started to believe that there was something wrong with me.....that somehow I couldn't "keep" a friend. As much as J and I are best friends and I am close with 2 of my sisters......I still felt/feel the emptiness of having that close friendship with another woman.

I had another really close friend last year. We met at school. Her son was in Emily's kindergarten class. We hit it off right away. Somehow when I meet people I can recognize what I call kindred spirits. We started hanging out and then our hubbies met and they hit it off and we started doing everything together. We sewed together. We cooked together. We watched each other's kids. She called me as much as I called her...... something I crave cuz I usually feel like I do most of the calling in my relationships.....well except one friend.....she usually calls me, Mary-Ellen, is very special to me too! We camped together and just felt like we were going to be best friends forever................. then last summer I was crushed! Like totally crushed. I didn't realize how much she meant to me until I felt how badly she hurt me. Only the closest people to you can hurt you that deeply. She started to pull away. I finally found out why. You see soon after we got the puppies we had a rat in our back yard......which was dead.....shortly after that we had a mouse in our house....first time ever and I called the exterminator immediately. She however, discovered that we had the mouse.....ya not so good. I had no idea. Then a few months after that Morgan got lice at camp, which I didn't know cuz I had never seen it before......Emily and Faith caught it too....Hailey was the only one who never got it......it was a long summer!! poor Xangelle's girl got it too and Warriors Cry's girls too..........not fun......lots of work....I guess all this was too much for them. Her hubby told her she was not allowed to come over to our house. He didn't want their 1 year old on my carpet......like it was contaminated or something. I won't go into all the details or this blog would be WAY longer.....but you get the idea. Basically they thought I was disgusting, dirty and my house was not fit for their kids.....not that I would have had them over or anyone over while the lice was still not dealt with..... I was so crushed....I was a crying mess...... I called my sis Tam, cried her ear off.....called my friend Jen, we were supposed to be going over there the day I found all this out, her hubby thought something was really wrong and was getting ready to call 911 for us....that's how hard I was crying.... I felt like a fool and well just really really hurt.

They ended up moving to Powell River and since then I have felt so much loneliness. She only lived 5 min away so it was a convenient friendship too. I really struggled with all this this year. When we were talking about moving to Prince George, I kept myself at a distance because I didn't want to get close to anyone and then move. Part of me wanted to move and just start all over. I know I can tend to just want to run away when things feel too difficult for me. I also recognize that I can push people away too when I think we are moving on...... I did this to Warrior's Cry too....

The last month God has really showed me how many girlfriends I have. I know I have Xangelle, we have been friends for our entire lives, it is like a sister relationship. In fact it is that way with her whole family, her brother is doing our carpet and giving us an amazing deal and his reason is because "we are family"!!! that is special in it's own right too..... so I am blessed to have them, blessed to have our kids in school together and go to the same church. We see so much more of each other now than we have since we were little kids. I have been getting phone calls from 2 other ladies at our church lately too. The new couple I blogged about before and another lady. It makes me feel so good. I have friends.....amazing how much that loneliness slips away.

I crave conversation with other women. I crave time with other women. I crave the knowledge that people are pouring into me as much as I am pouring into them. I think we all crave this. I think we all need this. We need each other. So maybe, today you will feel inspired to call someone you haven't called for a long time and make that step. Just tell them you are thinking about them. In the end we all want the same thing. We want friendships with other women.

Comments

Vicky said…
I love this post LaLa. Great insight and so totally true on so many levels.

I left most of my girlfriends back in Calgary when I moved, but I do have one that I grew up with and actually lives in Langley...but guess what? We hardly ever see each other! We live 30 minutes away from each other and can never find the time to connect. It's so silly. I watch my teenage daughter with her friends...they are inseparable at 14 (her friends are almost more important than her family at this stage in her life...which is totally normal) and I remember being the same way. Friends were everything when I was a teen. Then my husband was everything. Then my kids were everything.

I don't know whether it's time or career/no career or distance or what, but I too miss the friendships I used to have. The giggling for hours without reason, keeping each others secrets, talking for hours on the phone.

...and for what it's worth, lice is attracted to CLEAN heads. It's a myth that it's a dirty person's affliction. I've always peppered my kids' heads with hairspray before they leave for school, because lice doesn't like it. Guess you and your kids were too clean for your ex-friend. :)
Shash said…
I'll comment on the girlfriends later but as for the lice... I always add a few drops of Teatree Oil in a new bottle of shampoo, no matter if they need it or not.
onangelwings said…
I agree...friendships are one of the most important things in life. Without my friends I would be so lonely. I love my girlfriends as if they are family. Today I hosted a brunch because my mom and tot group didn't meet today because of school being out. I couldn't imagine a week without my companions.

Sorry that your friendship didn't mean more to your friend. I couldn't imagine just pulling away from a friendship like that.
mommyof4 said…
Very "hit thes spot" post. I have no close friends and i feel it is my fault too. I think it is because I am so busy andnever take the time to call or hang out with anyone. Then there is the fact of my health. I try not to get close to people because I don't want them to find out or to explain that I have mental health and physical health problems. I would love to have some friends though it would probably help my mental health!!! I think I am going to take your advice and call an old friend tommorow and see if she wants to take her kids to the park along with me and mine. I guess it don't hurt to try.:)

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