I was just at my friend Xangelle's house.......she has just learned this week that her baby has died...she was 12 weeks pregnant.

This is her 3rd loss in a row! totally brutal and having had many losses myself I totally get what she is going thru. She looked good today. We talked for 2 hours (not just about the loss) and she is doing good, well as good as you would expect going thru this.

One of the hardest parts of going thru this is other people's reactions!! when you are grieving and hurting so bad you can't breathe, you really don't want to "carry" someone else. I know that when someone you love is hurting that you hurt too...........but people honestly...HOLD IT TOGETHER!!! when someone is hurting the last thing they need is for you to go over and hold them and cry.........after crying for a couple of days straight you really get to a point where you don't want to cry anymore!! I feel her frustration.

People ask "are you going to be ok?".......what do you think??? that we are going to hurl ourselves off a cliff because we just can't take the pain anymore???? like get run the full gamut of emotions, maybe a few times....but you carry on. That is what it is like recovering from a miscarriage....I am convinced that every type of pain and loss have a different cycle of grieving.

One thing about having mutliple miscarriages is you sort of become numb, or cold.... you know you can get thru it because you have before and you will again. It still sucks, it still hurts but you can and will get through.

A big question that doesn't always get answered is "why?".............sometimes they have a medical reason....sometimes they don't.....that was the hardest part for me to lay down...the WHY factor. Since I believe in God and know that He is able to do miracles...hey try topping creating the Universe...... I really struggled with why He would allow it to happen and then so many times....... I never received an answer but I did make peace with it. The Bible says in John 16:33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

He did help me through and in fact when I had lost 4 I had asked Him.........."do my babies know me? I know I was their mom, even for a short period of time.. but do they know who I am" the answer came to me in a vision one day in church.....
I was standing there closing my eyes...crying....and I saw a picture of me as if I was running in a race sort of like on a narrow tunnel and there were gates up above and people standing around cheering looking down at those running past (there were other people running although I didn't really look at them it was just a sense that I wasn't alone) and I looked up and saw 4 small faces....and I knew that they were my children (in fact now that I have had 3 children with J, I can see the resemblance to my 3 here) and they were smiling at me.....cheering me on and I heard the scripture verse being spoken over us "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1 and I knew then in that moment that my children knew me, knew who I was and that they're my witnesses and they are my encouragers in my race, my life here on earth.

I was totally thrilled to know that. It brought me so much peace. I knew that was the answer to my question. Now I have 2 more with them and all 6 of them know who I am and they are cheering me on in this life and I know without a shadow of doubt that I will be with them again when that time comes.


momyblogR said…
What great versed. I completely believe every word of them. I have never suffered a loss of that nature, but our family has lost a child after birth. Agreed, it's a ridiculously painful thing.

Even though we don't know the plan, He does and we just have to trust it.

I'll keep your friend in my prayers. She's lucky to have you.
mommyof4 said…
I would love to have you as a friend if I ever wen through this:) She is lucky to have someone like you who understands what she is going through. God will see her through:)
Ruth said…
I like Hebrews 6:17-19. I had this awesome picture of a boat and an anchor. No matter what storm or trial hit(s) my life, God was and is going to keep all His promises to me!! It gives me a hope in Him that I would find nowhere else and a hope that I need to have to get through this crazy life!!

Hebrews 6:17Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. 18God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. 19We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain,
Renee said…
That post gave me chills. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Suz said…
I agree with Renee, this post too gave me chills.

Your friend will be in my Prayers. what a wonderful friend she has in you.

Hugs Suz
mwt said…
This might help as to “why” it happened.

Now what happens when a fetus is aborted or miscarried? Didn’t that being wanted to have life on Earth? Who has the right to determine for a fetus if it lives or dies?
We all have choice, can, and do change our minds. Each soul that decides to come into the body is a full being already.

Should that soul decide it does not want to be born, to experience life after all, it may choose a variety of ways of stopping the process, which include abortion or miscarriage.

There is always a reason. To realize that each soul is making these decisions on their own is a beautiful, healing and freeing experience.
Lala's world said…
this is for MWT - thank you for taking time to read my blog

I do have to respond to your comment a soul - who is created by God - can choose to abort itself really goes against any sense of reason or logic. Whether you believe in God or not how a soul can abort itself or decide to just die by miscarriage is an absurb statement to make.

and btw I did find out why later.... I had a blood condition that was causing clots in the placenta cutting off the life. Sometimes people don't always know why..there could be hundreds of reasons...however I don't agree with your theory.

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